"I will consider marrying if ..."

These are the words that I heard last night when I was on my way home on a bus. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was just sitting down there on the bus doing nothing. And they were talking quite loudly.

Guy A: Wahh.. We need to work very hard in S'pore leh, if not how to survive?? How to have a wife???? What if cannot find good job?

Guy B: Yah loh. But I will consider marrying if maybe the girl is like Alice. She's thrifty and don't any how spend money one...

Guy A: Cannot marry someone like Kirsten!! She spend money like dunno wat. Just now she almost wanted to make us go to a high class restaurant... Cannot afford her lifestyle man..

Guy B: Hey, actually Helen also not bad. She's quite caring. She's seems like the type who will get along with my parents.

Guy A: Come to think about it, Alice like not very caring one leh.. I think she probably will get into all kinds of arguments with your parents loh.

Guy B: Wah.. really hard to find leh. A girl who is caring to me, to my parents, to my family and can save money.. Oh okay. I better get down. That's my stop.

At this point, Guy B alighted the bus, leaving Guy A.

It was quite an interesting exchange. The two guys are about 20 years old or so - older teens. They spoke with a bit more maturity than younger teens. They looked out for girls beyond just looks. They were looking for something called 'Character'.

However, that's not the case with most teenagers. People are now getting attached at a younger and younger age. They want to go steady because they are looking for ...

1) Love.

Many teens just want to have a feeling of being loved. To them, it doesn't matter if the other party has got a bad-tempered or other bad things. So long as they feel loved, it is okay.

It may be due to the lack of family love at home because many parents are busy working. Teens need someone to validate them and make them feel important. If they can't find it from their parents, they will look for someone of the opposite gender outside.


2) Something to show off.

Often, teens want to get attached so that they can show their peers that they have pretty girlfriends or handsome boyfriends. They feel real proud about it. And this becomes some kind of peer pressure. Everyone goes looking for BGR because their friends are doing it. They don't want to lose out or lose face.


I'm not saying that BGR is not good. Afterall, I myself am attached (but only when I was 25 years old). It is just that the timing and motivation to find a bf/gf has to be good.

The more BGR breakups you experienced, the more wounds and scars that will be left behind in your heart. This is especially so for ladies. Be radical. Only go for the one that you think you can marry in the future! =)

My sister's ROM Photo

A Tale to Tell... (Part 3)

She was crying badly over the phone. She asked me how come I have been ignoring her (which I admitedly did because I wanted to forget her). I tried giving excuses like I was really busy. Kinda lame I think. But what can I say?


Then she confided in me that she was really upset because Benny was kind of pressuring her to break up with her boyfriend. I was shocked. I was really angry at Benny. I was also at a loss.


I did what they always do in movies & drama serials. The next day, I confronted Benny straight away (I wasn't so extreme like the guy on the right). I told him off for making Alicia upset. Benny didn't say anything. He just kept quiet and received my scoldings. I think he felt a bit guilty. Nonetheless, I think he left Alicia alone after that incident.


A few weeks later, for reasons I don't know, Alicia broke up with her boyfriend. For a moment, I thought I had a chance. I continued to show her concern, but I still didn't dare to tell her about my feelings.


But things were not to be. There's this guy, Danny (not real name) also from the same CCA. He's in the same committee as Alicia but they weren't that close, I think. Around that same period in time, something bad happened in Danny's family. He was really upset.


And somehow, in that period in time because he was upset, and Alicia was also upset, they started to talk to one another a lot more. Eventually, they became attached to one another. I was out of the picture once more. That really broke me. Alicia and I drifted apart, and soon, we were really just ordinary friends.


I just couldn't accept it. How can this happen?? I thought we could be together. I was totally crushed. Devastated. To say that I'm upset, that's an gross understatement. I think I couldn't sleep well for a long long time. It took me a really long time before I can function normally again.




Reflections

As I look back, I realised that all along, I have been imagining things on my part - 自作多情 Even though Alicia was attached, I imagined that one day we would be together. And I didn't dare to tell her my feelings because I was afraid that her reply would completely crush my hopes. I wanted to have at least a bit of hope.


That's kind of silly for me. I wasted so much emotions on this incident. I really could have spent more time doing other more meaningful things.


The bottomline is that at that time (during JC), I wasn't ready to handle BGR. My belief is that most of us are not mature enough at that age. Among my friends, only a few of those who got attached in JC made it to marriage.

A Tale to Tell... (Part 2)

After overcoming the initial shock, I began to ask myself what I want to do next. Should I try to come between Alicia and her boyfriend? Or should I just give up contacting her? At that age and maturity, I honestly don't know what to do.


Then on my birthday, Alicia actually gave me a soft toy!! I think I almost went crazy. First time a girl give me a personal birthday present. And it's from the girl I liked!


I thought through after some time. Well, we're still good friends. She probably doesn't know I liked her. Ok, I decided that I want to be good friends with her ONLY. I will not try to make her break up with the boyfriend.


And it worked! We were really good friends. Almost every night, I would call her to chat with her, BEFORE her boyfriend call her. Though I try to tell myself, we can only be good friends, deep in my heart, I was hoping that a miracle would happen. Yah, all along, I didn't tell her that I liked her.


But no miracle happened for me. As time passed, I started to realized that there's another guy from my CCA, Benny (not real name of course), who became quite close to Alicia. All of a sudden, it's like they will be together quite often in school. I didn't have the courage to tell Alicia I liked her. Nor do I dared to ask her what's happening between Benny and her.


I felt left out. Depressed. My moods will consistently be down.


Finally, I made a resolution. I decided to give up. I stopped contacting Alicia completely. I began to focus on other things in school.


Then one night, the most unexpected thing happened. Alicia called me. She was crying...



(To be continued...)

A Tale to Tell... (Part 1)

Recently, my good friend posted on his blog about his BGR experience.

Well, I think everybody has a story of his or her own. My story? It's quite a sad one when I was in JC... It's almost like a drama serial.


Long long time ago...


When I was still quite young, I was studying in this JC.

The photo on the left is a photo of my class and the photo on the right is a photo of my CCA friends.















(I look kinda funny right? haha...)


When I first joined my CCA, I didn't know many people inside. As I came from a boys' school, I don't really have many female friends and I wasn't really comfortable talking to girls on a personal basis. (Class interaction was okay though..)


But one fine day, when I was still pretty new in the CCA, I was relaxing in my CCA room. A girl came into the room. A sweet-looking girl. A girl that caught my attention.


She sat down in the room, and somehow we started to chat. I got to know her name, Alicia (not her real name)!! Awesome, I thought at that time. Something magical happened next.


A senior came into the room. He asked Alicia if she wanted to study with him at the library. I could tell that Alicia wasn't very interested nor comfortable. But somehow she didn't know how to say no. She looked at me, and asked me to join them.


In my heart, I nearly flipped. But on the outside, I calmly said yes. Hence, the three of us went to the library to study together.


And because of this, I got to know Alicia pretty well. We exchanged phone numbers and would chat quite frequently on the phone.


"Am I in love?" I thought to myself. If I'm not, how come I'm always excited when I talk to her or see her.


But we all know, not everything happens in the way that we want. A few weeks later, I overheard a conversation between another of my 2 friends in the same CCA.


They were saying that Alicia has a boyfriend already.


My world came crashing down.



(To be continued...)