A Tale to Tell... (Part 3)

She was crying badly over the phone. She asked me how come I have been ignoring her (which I admitedly did because I wanted to forget her). I tried giving excuses like I was really busy. Kinda lame I think. But what can I say?


Then she confided in me that she was really upset because Benny was kind of pressuring her to break up with her boyfriend. I was shocked. I was really angry at Benny. I was also at a loss.


I did what they always do in movies & drama serials. The next day, I confronted Benny straight away (I wasn't so extreme like the guy on the right). I told him off for making Alicia upset. Benny didn't say anything. He just kept quiet and received my scoldings. I think he felt a bit guilty. Nonetheless, I think he left Alicia alone after that incident.


A few weeks later, for reasons I don't know, Alicia broke up with her boyfriend. For a moment, I thought I had a chance. I continued to show her concern, but I still didn't dare to tell her about my feelings.


But things were not to be. There's this guy, Danny (not real name) also from the same CCA. He's in the same committee as Alicia but they weren't that close, I think. Around that same period in time, something bad happened in Danny's family. He was really upset.


And somehow, in that period in time because he was upset, and Alicia was also upset, they started to talk to one another a lot more. Eventually, they became attached to one another. I was out of the picture once more. That really broke me. Alicia and I drifted apart, and soon, we were really just ordinary friends.


I just couldn't accept it. How can this happen?? I thought we could be together. I was totally crushed. Devastated. To say that I'm upset, that's an gross understatement. I think I couldn't sleep well for a long long time. It took me a really long time before I can function normally again.




Reflections

As I look back, I realised that all along, I have been imagining things on my part - 自作多情 Even though Alicia was attached, I imagined that one day we would be together. And I didn't dare to tell her my feelings because I was afraid that her reply would completely crush my hopes. I wanted to have at least a bit of hope.


That's kind of silly for me. I wasted so much emotions on this incident. I really could have spent more time doing other more meaningful things.


The bottomline is that at that time (during JC), I wasn't ready to handle BGR. My belief is that most of us are not mature enough at that age. Among my friends, only a few of those who got attached in JC made it to marriage.